


In the wildest winter (catching my death)

by Juliet23



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (lots of angst), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And angst, Bellamy as a reckless idiot, Clarke as a Forest Ranger, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Survival story, and SMUT, thank God you've got Clarke to keep you safe dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:41:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28847709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliet23/pseuds/Juliet23
Summary: When Bellamy wants to drag Clarke to a camping trip in the mountains, in winter, she tells him it's a terrible idea. She agrees anyway, knowing that he would go without her regardless. At least she's a ranger at the park and can make sure he stays safe. When a blizzard hits, all she wants is to be mad at him, but they have to find cover quickly - Bellamy is showing severe symptoms of hypothermia. But she won't let him die on her watch.Or: Clarke is stuck in a winter cabin with Bellamy for a while, without a way to contact anyone. The responsibility of making sure they survive falls to her shoulders.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 87





	1. Whether weather be the frost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> I’m back with yet another one-shot that turned into something very different (and longer) than initially imagined.  
> It’s a little intense, so there will be a few TW in the end notes, just in case.  
> Enjoy!

_Can't not think of all the cost_  
_And the things that will be lost_  
_Oh, can we just get a pause?_  
_To be certain we'll be tall again_  
_Whether weather be the frost_  
_Or the violence of the dog days_  
_I'm on waves, out being tossed_  
_Is there a line that I could just go cross?_

Evermore - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

_I’m never going hiking with him again_.

She held his arm tightly. She should have been petrified at the thought that they may not make it out of it alive, but in truth she was just mad at him. So she clung to that feeling of fury, she clung to _anything_ that would make them survive this. She knew where the old cabin was, she’d been there countless times with her father as a child. Finding it in the middle of the strongest blizzard she’d ever seen, however, was proving to be a challenge.

_I swear to whatever gods may exist, I will never go hiking with Bellamy ever again_.

“Please Clarke, I’m exhausted and tired…” his voice was getting lost to the wind, they had to scream in each other’s ears to make out what they were saying, “let’s just rest for a few minutes, okay?”  
Her rational part knew he was getting hypothermic and that it wasn’t his fault. He also had a right to be tired, considering he was carrying a considerably heavier backpack with all their camping equipment. She also knew she had to cling to any kind of feeling that would push them forward, give them strength, and make sure they would survive.

So she snapped at him. “Stop being weak. We keep going. Don’t waste your energy speaking. We’re close.” Or at least, she thought they were. Then she saw a pine tree broken in two by the wind, the same she had seen half an hour before, and realised they were going in circles. She wanted to scream.

She took a deep breath. “Okay, you get your break.” Immediately, he moved to sit down, but she grabbed his arm. “Don’t you dare sitting down.” She tried to convey the urgency of her words by giving him a stern, intense look. However, his eyes were unfocused, clouded, and she realised the situation was worse than she had previously thought.

_Okay._ She sighed. _Desperate times require desperate measures._

Putting her own backpack down, she reached for the map and the compass. She knew she should have done this before, but had tried to get to the cabin by memory regardless, afraid the wind would blow away their only map. Bellamy was trying to shield her from the wind, which was a terrible idea considering his state, but also their only option unless she wanted to lose the map. She scanned it as quickly as she could, trying to retrace their steps, then put it away, keeping the compass in her hand.

“Let’s go.”

In hindsight, without the map they may have never found the cabin. The snow had almost completely engulfed it, making it impossible to discern even without a blizzard blinding your vision. Her heart dropped when she saw it. How the hell were they going to get inside it? Her mind was racing, her eyes were scanning the perimeter trying to find a way, any way of entering. Then, she saw Bellamy sit on the snow, hugging his knees, and closing his eyes. She felt hot tears slide down her cheeks.

_No, this can’t be it._ _I won’t allow it._

She was at his side immediately, crouching next to him. She took off her gloves, aware she was putting herself at the risk of frostbite, and put them between her thighs to keep them warm. Her hands went straight on his cheeks, rubbing them quickly and harshly, trying to wake him up and keep him warm. “Wake up!!” she shouted at him. “Wake up, you idiot!” He opened his eyes a few seconds later, whispering something to her that got lost to the wind. Then he closed his eyes once more.

_Well, fuck_. _Okay._ She took another shuddering breath. _Okay. Think, Griffin, think._

She put her gloves back on and walked around the house, trying to remember where the entrance used to be. It would have been easier if the snowstorm would subside, but that was obviously too much to ask the universe. She felt her anger and frustration build up and for the first time she conceded that, yes, Bellamy was dying, and soon she would be too. She screamed to the wind. _Fuck being in control_. That’s all she could think as angry tears were streaming down her face, while she furiously shoved heaps of snow away from where she thought the door would be. She would clear the entire perimeter with her bare hands if she had to, but Bellamy was not dying on her watch. She latched on that madness, trying to empty her brain of the worry, trying to stop her eyes from seeking him, afraid of what she’d see.

She doesn’t know how long it took. However, at some point the door started to appear in front of her, giving her hope as she increased her frantic digging. She checked that it would open, then went to get Bellamy. He hadn’t moved an inch and, for a moment, she thought the worst had happened. That she’d taken too long. Then, she forced herself into motion, put her arms under his armpits and pulled him up. He stumbled a bit, but at least he’d woken up. She put one arm around him, trying to hold his weight, forcing him toward the door before the wind covered it in snow once more.

They got in the cabin and she closed the door. _Okay. One step at a time. We’re going to be okay._ She helped him take off the backpack and sit on the bed. The cabin was small, only consisting of a bed, a wooden stove, a wardrobe, a table, two chairs, and a few cupboards. It was icy cold in there, but at least it would keep them sheltered from the wind. Firstly, she turned on the few candles around the place, so there would be some light. Then, she checked the place for firewood and realised there wasn’t much. She knew she should ration it, but she also knew if she didn’t warm up the cabin now, Bellamy’s hypothermia would just get worse, as would hers. She was running on pure adrenaline and she was well aware that once that wore off, she’d be at risk of it, too. She took off the gloves once more, searched her backpack for matches, and started working on the stove. The good thing about the snow covering the cabin’s walls was that it would act as an insulator. If they were lucky, some of the warmth from the stove would last them until the morning.

_Hopefully the blizzard will be over, by then._

Once she got the fire working, she turned to the cupboards, looking for a kettle. She filled it with water and put it on the stove. They could do with some hot tea. Then, she turned her attention to Bellamy. He was lying in bed, shivering despite the clothes. By this point, the cold had seeped into his bones. She knew what she had to do, but that didn’t make it easier. She opened the wardrobe, hoping to find some warm woollen blankets. There were three. She took them out and put them down on the bed.

“Bellamy…” she called him as she gently shook his arm. “Bellamy, you need to wake up.” He opened his eyes after a few tries. _Good._ He eyed her groggily, his eyes unfocused. “Bellamy, you need to take your clothes off.” She gave him a pointed look, raising an eyebrow, a ghost of a smile on her lips, trying to hide the worry etched on her features. Normally, she imagined he would have smirked at the suggestion – not that it had happened before. However, she thought he would tease her, or resist. Instead, his expression remained indifferent, as if unaware of what she’d said.

She took the plunge herself instead. She removed her jacket and hung it by the door, and was immediately hit with an icy shudder. She undressed herself until the only things left were her bra, panties, and socks. He eyed her with a hint of confusion as she approached him, shivering. “Clarke, what-“  
“Shh”, she admonished him, “we both need to warm up.” Then she started removing his own jacket and clothes. “Just trust me.” She helped him undress, his movements were slow and stiff. Once they were both in their underwear, she climbed into bed with him, hugging him close and pulling all three blankets on top of them.

“Am I sick, Clarke?” he croaked out, “is this a fever dream?”  
She laughed nervously, feeling the tears in her eyes threatening to spill. Suddenly, the rush of adrenaline left her, and she felt dread and relief take over at the same time. She kept holding him close to her. She knew her body must be cold and unable to provide him much heat, but _God_ , he was freezing. She quickly dried her tears and felt his forehead. It was warmer than the rest of his body. She knew it was likely he would develop a fever in the morning, but for now they were okay.

_We’re okay. He’s okay. Everything will be fine._

After a few minutes in silence, she forced herself up, only taking one blanket to cover her body, moving toward the stove. She poured the boiling water in two cups, added the teabags she had found inside a cupboard, and set them on the table. Then she returned to Bellamy.

“I made tea.” She said while lying down beside him again. “How are you feeling?” She tried to keep her no-nonsense voice, to remain impassive and upset, but it was difficult. Lying down in bed like that, with his eyes closed and his eyebrows slightly furrowed, he looked so small, so fragile. She pulled him closer, putting her arms around him, and stroked his back and arms.  
“So tired, and…” he sighed. His voice was feeble and he was still being shaken by shivers.  
“Shh… it’s okay, I’ve got you”, Clarke reassured him, laying her head against his shoulder. “The tea will help you warm up. You just try to stay awake.” She pulled him close for another few moments. “Come on, let’s go drink it by the stove, you’ll warm up faster.”

She helped him up, making sure the two blankets were covering him fully, and helped him sit on a chair in front of the stove. Then, she took their cups and sat on the remaining chair, pushing it as close to his as possible. She moved the blankets so they would both be under them together. All she hoped is that he wouldn’t playfully accuse her of taking all the chances she could to touch his semi-naked body once it was all over. Christ, of course he would. He’d tease her until the end of days.

They drank their teas in silence. Occasionally, his head would rest on top of her shoulder, while she kept one arm around him, steadily stroking his arm. She was exhausted. She wanted to scream, cry, and laugh at the same time, but only had the energy to make sure Bellamy would stay warm. When she was done drinking, she stood up to stoke the fire, adding a bit more wood. They would have a bit for the morning, although not much.

_One problem at a time._

She half-dragged Bellamy to bed, blew off the candles, and got under the covers with him once more. Out of all the times she had imagined herself (almost) naked in bed with him, cuddling as they were in that moment, a situation like this had never crossed her mind. They were facing each other, foreheads touching, her legs entwined with his, one hand around his body and the other cupping his cheek, gently stroking it with her thumb. She had warmed up, thankfully she’d known what to do and managed to retain the necessary lucidity to make sure they would be fine. His body, however, still felt too cold for her liking. She tried to take a deep breath and will herself to stay strong, but her adrenaline rush was long gone and she only managed to choke out a sob. Silent tears started streaming slowly from her cheeks, she tried keeping them under control repeating reassuring words in her head like a mantra: _he’s okay, we’re okay._

“Clarke…” he whispered, voice weak, “what’s wrong?” He raised his hand, drying her tears, his eyes searching hers in the dark.  
She gave him a small smile, trying to will herself into looking comforting, but she knew it came out as more of a grimace. “Nothing…” she answered, her voice masking the worry as best as she could manage. But she could faintly see his eyes, tired and hooded, still searching hers for a truthful answer. “We were idiots Bellamy. We could have died out there. We almost did.” She tried to keep her voice even. He needed to get better, he was still under the effects of hypothermia. Worrying about her would certainly not help.  
“But we’re okay now, thanks to you” he shushed her with such a sweet voice that only made her tears increase. He shuffled even closer to her, which she didn’t think was possible, his arm across her body, softly stroking her hair.

After a while, his breath evened out, but she stayed awake a much longer time, looking at him, making sure he was safe and fine and alive, irrationally afraid of what could happen if she closed her eyes.

At some point she must have succumbed to the exhaustion. She opened her eyes to find her bodies still entangled, a slight flush rising to her cheeks at the contact. The little light that crept in from the windows was matted by the snow, the fire had long died out, and the air was cool. Thankfully, some heath had been retained like she’d hoped. She kept her gaze fixated on his sleeping features. He looked so innocent and at peace. She just wished all of… _this_ was under different circumstances. She slowly raised a hand, gently caressing his face.

_Shit_ , she froze, _he’s too hot. This won’t be good._

She quietly got out of bed with a worried scowl, quickly collecting her clothes and putting them on. She gave a resolute sigh, making a mental to-do list. No electricity, no water, no internet or even phone service. Not that it mattered, their phones had been long dead after their 3-days trip. She knew it was a terrible idea to go camping up the mountains in the winter, she knew blizzards could come without a warning. She also knew that had she refused, he would have gone alone, the stubborn ass. At least she was a ranger and knew the place. He’d sworn up and down that the weather forecasts were on their side and that had been true. If they hadn’t lost time and been forced to extend their stay by a full day because Bellamy decided to take a detour, they would already be home. Instead, they were snowed in inside a cold cabin with barely any food and firewood.

_At least I was with him. He wouldn’t have known about the cabin. He would have…_

She shivered and took a deep breath. _Back on the to-do list_. She checked her bag: three protein bars, a few cookies, and some instant coffee. Not much. With his fever, they would need to stay inside for at least a few more days. Which meant scaring everyone to death at home, as well as missing work, without having any chance of contacting anybody. She’d been an absolute idiot. Really, she should have known better. She let herself get carried away by the glint in his eyes and his excitement about the place, and allowed them to end up in this situation. This was all her fault.

_Back on the to-do list._ She repeated herself. Throwing a pity party wasn’t going to help Bellamy. She took out the tablets of paracetamol which she had, thankfully, packed away. She started the fire again, put water on the kettle to have some coffee, and went to wake up Bellamy.

“Hey” she said gently, sitting next to him and stroking his hair. “How are you feeling?”  
He looked at her confused. “Clarke?” his voice was hoarse and low “is that you?”  
Her eyes went wide for a second and she felt panic consume her. She kept stroking his hair reassuringly, smiling calmly, “yes, that’s me. How do you feel?”  
He furrowed his brows, “tired… my bones hurt”, he tried to push himself up but she shushed him, helping himself to sit with his back against the headboard instead.  
“You shouldn’t tire yourself”, she admonished, “you’re running a fever, the wind from yesterday got to you.” He looked confused, so she continued. “From the blizzard… yesterday. Do you remember?” She tried to keep her voice level, tried to keep the panic that threatened to bubble up at bay.  
“I… where are we, Clarke?” She blinked back the tears. He was delirious.  
She gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I’ll get you your tea.”

She brewed him the tea and gave it to him alongside two tablets of paracetamol. She made sure he ate a few cookies with it, while she drank her own coffee.  
“Clarke…” his voice was so small and distant. “Where is my mom?”  
She’d been with people delirious from fever before, she had trained as a doctor before dropping it all off to work with nature, much to her mother’s chagrin. She knew the best thing to do was to not let them see panic and just reassure them. She just never thought it would happen to someone as strong as Bellamy. Seeing him like this tore her apart. She couldn’t manage to make herself look him in the eyes as she answered: “She’ll be here soon. You just rest now.”

She helped him lie back down and he immediately fell back to sleep. She took that chance to open the door and see if the blizzard stopped, which it thankfully had. The hole she had dug the evening before to access the door had partially refilled, but with the shovel in the cabin she would manage to make her way out rather easily, so she set off to do that. She needed wood and food. The first would be relatively easy, the second not so much. Once she’d cleared a way out of the cabin, she took an axe, steeled herself, and after a last look at Bellamy’s sleeping body, headed out.

The nearest patch of wood was around 100 yards away, which wouldn’t be much if not for the snow reaching up to her waist. It almost felt more like swimming than walking. Under the cover of the trees, the situation was better. She chose a short pine, enough to keep them warm for a couple of days, and cut it down. As she hacked through it, her mind was a whirlwind of worry. What would she do about Bellamy? How would she get food? They had no weapons on them, and the snow made it impossible to forage. She could find honey, the bees would be hibernating and she could probably take some without too much trouble, but that wouldn’t be enough for him, especially as he was sick. Hunting was the only option. She could make a spear, but she had never used one before, so that may just end up being a waste of time.

The tree fell down silently, hitting on the fresh snow. At least the activity had warmed her up. She cut it down into transportable pieces and started to take the branches off. As she chopped off a long one, an idea struck her. She could make a bow. She hadn’t actually done that before, but she had made simple arrowheads before, at a children’s summercamp, it wasn’t so hard. At least she’d used a bow before, she had taken some lessons, and while she wasn’t an expert by any means, she had a fairly good aim. She sighed. It was crazy and she could only think about the incredulous face of Monty, Harper, and Jasper, Raven and Murphy’s hysterical laughter, and Octavia’s raised brow when they would find out. However, it was the only option.

She brought the logs back to the cabin and chopped them, then she brought them inside, adding them to the dying fire. She checked her clock: it was 10AM. She had five more hours of sunlight to find some food. Bellamy was still asleep, but at least as she rested her hand on his forehead she found it was cooler. She let out a sigh of relief, heading for one of the protein bars. She ate it in silence, warming herself in front of the stove. Then, she took out her pocket knife and started shaping the branches she’d taken. The wood seemed elastic enough not to break. When the long stick was clean and she finished the indentations on each end, she took out an elastic band from her backpack and tied it to the bow, creating as much tension as she could without snapping either. She stood up and tested pulling it.

_It’ll have to do._

She cleaned a few more sticks for the arrows, then emptied her backpack save for her canteen, string, and compass, put the sticks in it, took the bow, and left once more. By now, she had walked back and forth from the woods a few times, creating a path that was quicker to go through. Around 350 yards to the south-west there was a small lake, which could provide her with some pebbles to make arrowheads with. If she was lucky, she could even find some obsidian. She kept her eyes open on the way, hoping to find something edible around. Just before arriving to the lake, her eyes caught a lump on a tree stump, covered in snow. She rushed to it, pulling the snow away, discovering a few oyster mushrooms. Granted, they were already dying after last night’s frost, but they would do. She cut the best ones off, putting them in the backpack.

The lake was starting to freeze over. Surrounded by the quiet of the snowy forest, the light shimmering through the clouds, it was an immensely peaceful sight. But she had no time to waste. She scoured the lake’s shore. First, she caught a sturdy flint rock, good for knapping. Then, she collected some pieces of obsidian – it was turning out to be a lucky day. She swept off the snow from a log and sat down. She’d only made this once, years before, and under the guidance of an expert. Flint knapping wasn’t as easy as she remembered. Her arrowheads were a bit crooked and misshapen, but they would have to do. Taking out the knife again, she carved notches into the heads of the arrows’ shafts, inserted the arrowheads, and tied them as tightly as she could with the string she brought. They wouldn’t be durable without glue, but there was no other choice. While there was a way to make glue with pine sap, she had neither the time nor the experience to do it. Without any fletches, her arrows wouldn’t be very stable. Perhaps if she caught a bird, she could solve this problem, although catching birds wasn’t an easy task, especially with such primitive gear. She shook her head.

_What am I even doing? Calling these abominations ‘primitive arrows’ is a compliment. It’ll be a miracle if I catch a squirrel._

She stood up, eyeing the cattail lining the edge of the lake. If only the ground wasn’t frozen solid, she could have dug up the roots. She made her way back to the woods. The snow muffled her footsteps, making it easier to stalk the woods unnoticed by the animals. By 1PM, she had tried (and failed) to shoot a few squirrels and a pheasant, and had seen the tracks of deer –which she was aware she wouldn’t be able to catch, much less butcher. Two hours of sunlight left and still nothing to eat. Her thoughts kept drifting to Bellamy, alone in the cabin. God knows how he was doing. Perhaps he was better and was terrified that she had left. She dreaded the thought that he might come look for her, because she knew that’s something he would do the moment he realised her prolonged absence. Or perhaps he was still delirious is bed, debilitated from the lack of food. She’d left the two protein bars on the table, but didn’t know whether he would be lucid enough to eat them.

Just as she was getting lost in her worries, a movement to her left caught her eyes. A hare was idly nibbling at something on the ground. _Food eating more food. Jackpot._ She sucked in a breath, raised bow and arrow, aimed, and… hit. It was dead in one shot. She hit the neck, not an amazing shot, but anything was good enough. She was so happy she could cry. They had food. Then, she used her knife to help herself dig at whatever the hare had been eating, discovering a few bulbs. She scratched one and took a deep breath in with her nose. She felt her eyes tear up: wild onions. They were small, but that was still something. She quickly put them in her backpack and made her way back to the cabin. Before leaving the wood, she collected some pine needles, making sure to only take the freshest ones. They would brew a nice medicinal tea, boosting Bellamy’s immune system.

They would get through this. She smiled, trying to push away her worries, and entered the cabin.

_We’ll get through this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: hypothermia, sickness, delirium, hunting, animal death.  
> Don’t ask me why Clarke had an elastic band on her. She just did, okay? It’s for plot purposes!  
> That said, please do NOT follow Clarke’s instructions for making a bow and arrows at home! I have previously done that myself, but have immensely simplified the instructions for brevity. I don’t think anyone came here to read how to DIY a weapon lmao. Also feel I should add: flint knapping is hard. Really hard. Never try to do that unsupervised. Fresh pine needle tree is medicinal, but you have to make sure you’re actually picking pine, not other trees (such as yew, which is not good for you). Lastly: don’t pick mushrooms unless you’re sure what they are!  
> I’m not a survivalist by any means, and remember this is a work of fiction.  
> I’ll try to update the second part as soon as possible. That’s where the tag “fluff” will come into work ;) This chapter was definitely much harder to write.  
> Hope you guys liked it! Sending much love your way <3  
> 


	2. In the cracks of light, I dreamed of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the positive feedback on the first chapter!  
> It was so encouraging. <3 
> 
> Last chapter was angstfest, but it's quickly getting into fluff territory here!
> 
> Also, uhm. The rating of this fic has now changed. (:  
> I wonder what that means (:  
> (: (: (: 
> 
> Happy reading!

_And when I was shipwrecked_   
_I thought of you._   
_In the cracks of light_   
_I dreamed of you._   
_It was real enough_   
_To get me through,_   
_I swear_   
_You were there._

Evermore - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

She entered the cabin, her eyes immediately going to Bellamy’s sleeping body. She sighed in relief. She had tried to keep those thoughts at bay all day long, but there’s no denying she had been terrified that he might have gone to look for her. She put down her catch and her gear, setting off to rekindle the fire. Her stomach was grumbling and for a moment she considered waking up Bellamy and eating the two remaining protein bars with him, he needed energy after all. However, they couldn’t waste their last provisions like this, they had to ration everything until he was good enough to make the hike back to their car.

She took a deep breath, looking at the hare’s carcass. She’d never killed an animal before. Tagged them? Sure. Neutralised them? Also. That was part of her job as a ranger at times. But never killing. She’d been okay with it in the moment, taken over by the relief of having something to eat for them both. Now that she had to actually skin the animal, it was a different story. She almost felt sick, staring at the lifeless carcass, knowing the job that must be done. She was tempted to brew some pine needle tea for Bellamy first, or maybe climb under the covers with him for a bit. Her stomach grumbled again. She sighed – she was stalling.

She settled for sitting by him for a minute, checking his temperature and stroking his hair, before knowing she would have to steel herself and do what must be done. His fever had rose once more, the effect of the paracetamol clearly over. She bit her lip in contemplation, then started rummaging through his backpack, looking for a towel. She took it out, walked outside in the snow, and used it to wet it and cool it. She then went back to him and placed it on his forehead, giving him a small smile.  
“You’ll get better in no time, Bell”, she whispered gently to him, “I’ll make you some nice hare stew and some tea, and you’ll be fine by the morning, you’ll see.”

She sat on one of the chairs, put a bucket between her legs to collect the fur and blood, and started skinning the hare. She tried to keep the nausea at bay – she was only doing what was necessary. The end result was by no means a decent one, but it was satisfactory enough. The skin was in the bucket, the limbs and the chest in a big pot.

_It’s food. It’ll do._

She put the bucket in a corner, scared that leaving it outside would attract wolves. Then, she went out again to collect some snow to melt for the soup, peeled and roughly chopped the onions, then pulled the hare meat into strips, halved the mushrooms, and set her primitive stew to boil on the stove. Afterwards, she made some pine needle tea for Bellamy. Her brain had been so focussed on her tasks for the entire day, that until she sat next to him in bed she hadn’t even noticed how exhausted she felt.

“Bell?” she called him quietly, caressing his cheek. “Let’s have some tea, come on.”  
He slowly opened his eyes, blinking at her. She gave him an encouraging smile, helping him sit on the bed, making sure he was still wrapped tightly under the blankets. “How are you feeling?” she asked, handing him his tea.  
“Horrible” he croaked, his voice rough. He tasted the infusion, “what is this?”  
She smiled, taking one of his hands in hers, gently stroking it. “It’s made of pine needles, it’ll boost your immune system, help you fight through the fever.” He seemed better than he had been in the morning and she pondered about asking him what he remembered. She reasoned with herself that she needed to know if he was still delirious or not, although that didn’t make her any less anxious about it. She took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice steady. “Do you remember where we are?”  
He furrowed his brows. “Home?” Her heart fell. She should have known by the way his eyes were unfocused and hooded, by how he could barely hold his head up. “I’m sorry, O… my head hurts when I try to think… or speak.”

_Did… did he just call me O?_

Clarke gave him a sad smile, leaned in, and kissed him on the forehead. She then turned around and busied herself with the stew, so he wouldn’t see the few tears that were falling down her cheeks. She stirred the stew in silence, resting quietly in front of the stove, grateful for the warmth after spending the day in the snow.

“Thanks for the tea”, said Bellamy, his voice a little smoother now. She gave him another small smile and set his cup aside. After helping him lie down, she took the towel, using more snow to freshen it up again, and set it on his forehead once more, trying to lower his fever. She sat there, holding his hand and caressing it idly. There was no denying the worry she felt. It was all her fault, after all. She had been an idiot, she should have known better. This was her damn job after all. And now, there was nothing more to do than placing a stupid wet cloth on his forehead, feeding him dinner, giving him some paracetamol, and tending to the fire. She felt so utterly useless. She had put him in danger, while she should have been more resolute and kept him safe. He was her best friend, after all.

_How could I do this to someone I love so deeply?_

She thought about the night before, their limbs entangled as she caressed his back, trying to keep him warm, close and without barriers like they had never been before. She felt her cheeks flush at the thought. If only the situation had been different. As she sat there, watching him sleep soundly, she allowed herself to imagine a different circumstance, one in which those caresses led to stolen kisses, hushed confessions, soft moans, and nails dug into her skin. But they had known each other forever and she knew he saw her like another sister – in fact, he had just called her O, which just proved her point. It was a nice fantasy, nonetheless.

 _It’s just a slippery-slope leading me toward more heartache._ She sighed. _I’ve known for a long time he was my soulmate and that it’s just… platonic. Dwelling on it won’t change it._

She combed her hand through her hair, trying to ease the tension she could feel to her bones. The smell of the stew had permeated the cabin and she was impatient to eat. She found some cups and cutleries in the cupboard and poured some of the stew. It wouldn’t be tasty, especially without any salt, but it didn’t matter too much, she doubted Bellamy would notice in his state.

_Never thought I’d say it, but God, if only Murphy was here. He would have made such a better job._

She set the cups on the table and lit the candles, then woke up Bellamy again. “Ready to eat something, sleepyhead?”  
He nodded weakly and she helped him to a chair. His movements were slow and groggy, he kept an elbow on the table, his head resting on his hand. She’d cooked for him before, although rarely, mostly when camping, and he always complained loudly about her terrible skills. Instead, in that moment he kept silent, evidently using all the strength he possessed to finish his meal.  
She gave him a soft squeeze on his arm, smiling kindly. “I know, my cooking is terrible”, she said trying to keep the atmosphere light. She wasn’t used to seeing Bellamy like this and she didn’t like it, she couldn’t stand it actually. When he didn’t answer, she continued with a grin, “I promise it’s edible, though, and 100% organic, the day’s pick!”  
“It’s great.” He managed a soft smile back, making her heart swell. He always made her feel like a little girl, but usually she managed to push it to the deepest recess of her soul. But this was different. The intimacy of the situation, highlighted by the brush of his fingers against her hand, the dim light of the candles softening his gaze, and the smell of the hearty dinner, for a second pushed away the worries from her head. In that moment, her wildest dreams of a life by his side didn’t seem so far-fetched, and she allowed herself to get lost in his eyes.

Then, he turned his gaze back on the plate, concentrating on finishing his meal and the moment was broken. After he finished eating, she made sure he took some more paracetamol before helping him back to bed. She tried not to focus on the fact that he was still in his underwear, he was sick and letting her mind wander right now would definitely be inappropriate. So she tried to think of something else.

Thankfully, there was some stew left for tomorrow. She added more fire to the stove, wondering what else she could do. They had no running water, so she could only wash the dishes by melting some snow. Unfortunately, the only bucket she could use for that was filled with the waste she got from skinning the hare. She sighed – that would be a task for the following day.

Unable to find herself anything else to do, she decided to sit by the stove, enjoying the warmth.  
She heard Bellamy clear his throat. “Want to lie with me?” She turned to him, was about to make a sarcastic remark – this was usual banter after all, he’d said similar things many other times, including much worse innuendos. Yet, this time his eyes looked sincere and open. _Intimate_ , she found herself thinking again. She undressed and joined him under the covers. After all, even if it was early to sleep, it had been a long day. She wasn’t going to pass up cuddling with him, especially knowing it may never happen again.

Clarke did feel a little guilty about it, as if she was taking advantage of his sickness to live out a fantasy and play pretend. But it had been a tough day, between worrying about him, crafting a weapon, and killing and skinning an animal. She guessed she deserved a little comfort. They were just going to cuddle because that’s what friends do, they take care of each other. She felt her conscience internally scoff at her, but decided to ignore it.

They stayed there in silence for a long time. She was unable to sleep, thoughts running against one another in her brain. She tried to drown them by focussing on his even breath, absent-mindedly playing with a strand of his curly hair with one hand, while the other one was in his, fingers intertwined. She was so lost in her own mind, that when he spoke she almost missed it.  
“I love you”, he whispered.  
Immediately, she felt her heart skip a beat and sucked in a breath, having to remind herself that this wasn’t _real_. She ignored the prickling of the tears in her eyes, caressing his face gently, forgivingly. She wanted to tell him he was delirious, more to say it aloud to herself than for anything else, but thought against it. It was best he stayed unaware of it for now, worry and confusion wouldn’t help him recover. So she settled for the truth.  
“I love you too, Bell.” She kissed his forehead, shifting her body, so his head would lie against her chest. She did it because she didn’t want him to see her cry, although the feel of his weight against her breast did send electricity cursing to her veins.

“Will you stay with me?” his voice was vulnerable as she felt his hand reaching for hers again in the dark.  
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” She kept stroking his hair, she had never witnessed Bellamy being so open and soft around her, she didn’t know how to react to it.  
He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I didn’t mean tonight.”  
She squeezed it back, trying to will her tears to stop falling. “Me neither.”

He fell asleep soon after, while she kept staring at the ceiling, wondering who he’d thought he was talking to. If he had a crush on someone he would have told her. Perhaps he was still in love with Echo – their breakup was fairly recent, after all. Or maybe he still thought she was Octavia, perhaps she’d just misread the romantic nuance of the conversation.

In the end, she convinced herself that she didn’t care. All that mattered was that he woke up healthier than he had been today. All that mattered was that he would be okay. Once she managed to persuade herself of that, she fell asleep quicker than she thought she would, her exhaustion finally catching up to her.

For the second time in a row, Clarke woke up in his arms. She smiled softly, relishing in that moment of stillness and quiet, his warm skin pressed against hers. As she opened her eyes, she saw him staring at her, smiling, his nose mere inches away.  
“’Morning, princess”, he said, his voice still a little hoarse, but kind. He was evidently doing much better already and she wanted to be excited about it, but she was too concentrated on trying not to give away how damn hard it was to resist him when she could feel his breath on her face as he spoke.

She barely managed to fight the impulse of looking at his lips, trying to focus on his eyes, or counting his freckles, _anything_ except that. “Hey. I see someone is feeling better today.”  
His grin grew wider. “Very much so. I have a good nurse.”  
She giggled, “oh, shut up!” This was her cue to get up and brew them some coffee, she could easily take the chance and move away from him, but it was hard when she felt herself pulled to him like a magnet. Then, he raised his hand and softly brushed her hair away from her face. Despite her best effort, she couldn’t stop the sharp intake of breath or the slight flush rising to her cheeks.

“Thank you, Clarke.” He told her, looking at her with a rare intensity. “You saved my life.”  
She sighed, “it was my fault this even happened. I should have known better, it’s my own damn job after all, and-“  
“-sshh.” He put his index to her lips. Was this another situation she was misreading?

_What is happening? Am I still dreaming?_

“You saved our lives, Clarke.” He gave her a pointed look, his tone firm. “End of the story.” His hand moved to her head, brushing her hair once more.  
“You scared me, you know Bell?” She licked her lips in concentration and her eyes flickered down, staring at the tips of her hair, barely missing the way his gaze travelled to her mouth. “You risked freezing to death. Then you got such a high fever that you started… rambling, delirious.”  
He furrowed his brows. “What did I say?”  
She sighed. “You asked for your mom and you thought I was Octavia.” She gave him a sad smile, which he reciprocated.  
Then, he blushed. The light was dim, but she was fairly sure she could discern a reddish hue on his neck and ears – that was odd. “Is… uh.” He cleared his throat, looking everywhere except at her eyes. “Is this all I said?”

She cursed the heavens for not giving her the ability of blushing on her neck and ears like he did, at least that was less noticeable. But no, of course, the heath rose quickly to her very visible cheeks. Their eyes were locked onto each other. She knew very well what she should answer, though she supposed she could lie and tell him he had said nothing more. Being honest sucked sometimes.  
She took in a shaky breath. “You said you love me.” It came out in a broken whisper and she felt the atmosphere shift. Somehow, she was subconsciously aware that this was a pivotal moment that would change their relationship. If he regretted saying that, she knew they could never be friends the same way they’d been before. She tried to shush the little voice in her head saying: _but what if he doesn’t?_ She held her breath, willing time to stop, so she could bask in the reassuring proximity of their bodies a little more, before it would all come crashing down.

He grimaced, her heart fell. The silence quickly became uncomfortable and she shifted in her place, about to get up, but he squeezed her arm, silently asking her to stay. He bit his lips, clearly debating with himself on what to say next.  
“I’m sorry”, he sighed, his voice gentle. “It wasn’t meant to go like that.”  
Clarke looked at him quizzically. “What wasn’t? You shouldn’t worry, Bell. It was the fever. We’re good.”  
“But I’m not.” His eyes were so piercing that she thought he could see straight to her soul. “There’s… there’s something that I’ve been meaning to say.”  
She propped herself half-up, resting her weight on her elbow, and he mirrored her movement. Then, he took her hand in his, giving it a tender squeeze. There was no denying her heart was racing, the voice inside her screaming: _whatever this is, just tell me already._

He was still looking at her hand in his when he continued. “There’s a specific reason why I wasted time so we would stay one more day, why I decided to take a detour.” His eyes flickered to hers for an instant, she could tell that he wanted to look at her but couldn’t muster the courage. “I had planned on coming to this cabin with you, as a surprise. Obviously, not the blizzard part”, he grimaced again, “that was definitely _not_ in my plans. I wanted to take you here because you told me of this place countless times, retelling all the beautiful memories you’d shared with you dad here.”  
“Oh, Bellamy…” Her eyes were turning moist, so she focussed on caressing his hand with her thumb.  
His eyes travelled back to hers and they shared a melancholic smile. “And… as I said I wanted to tell you something… something important. And I wanted to do it here, because I wanted this place to hold another beautiful memory… I, uh… I wanted it to be special, memorable.” He was rambling and she could tell he was on edge, his free hand fidgeting with the blanket. “And I- I mean, maybe it’s not a _complete_ fuck up, it’s certainly going to be ‘memorable’, but not in the way I wante-“

 _Fuck it._ She thought as he was still speaking. _There’s no way I’m misreading this. I’m gonna do it._

So she took the plunge and kissed him before he could finish speaking, her hands on either side of his head, pulling him to her, steadily keeping her lips pressed against him. For a moment, the world remained at a standstill, she could feel her heart racing and wondered if he heard it, too. Just as she was about to pull away, he returned the kiss eagerly, his hands catching her shoulders and neck, keeping her close. Her brain was running a hundred miles a second, an insane jumble of _is this really happening?_ , and _am I delirious?_ , and _why have I waited so long, his lips taste like home._ She tried to shut it off, focussing on the dance of their tongues, the wake of shivers left by his caresses, her erratic heartbeat, the softness of his curls under her fingertips, and the sweet moans he made when she pulled them.

She was the one that eventually pulled away, trying to catch her breath, and rested her forehead against his, their noses touching, eyes so close she could almost feel the tickling of his eyelashes.  
“I heard you last night, Clarke.” He whispered. He was biting his lower lip, but she could see the smile in his eyes. “I thought it was a fever dream. All of it. I thought I was dreaming you.” His hand went to the back of her head, softly caressing her hair. “That’s not how I imagined first telling you that I love you, sweaty and delirious.” She laughed at that, which lifted the tension resting on his shoulders. “But… I meant it, Clarke. I love you. It took me a while to see that, to recognise this feeling for what it was, to admit it to myself, because in truth… I was scared. I thought you wouldn’t feel the same. So I told myself that I just had to try and focus myself on something else, that maybe I wasn’t putting enough efforts in my relationships, but the reality is that it’s always been you.” She felt a stray tear rolling down her cheek, she had never liked people seeing her cry, but this was different. This wasn’t frustration, sadness, or anger – this wasn’t weakness. He brushed the tear away with his thumb. “All of my exes knew that, that’s why things never worked with them. I just didn’t think you felt the same, I was afraid if I told you the truth I would lose you, which is why I hid it for years. I see now that I was just a blind idiot.”  
She smiled, a sob escaping her lips as she did. “We’re both idiots. I love you too, Bell. I meant what I said too, you know? I’m not going anywhere.”  
He answered with a boyish grin. “Come here, princess.”  
When he opened his arms, she flung herself at him, her head nestled in the nook between his neck and his shoulder blade.

_This is home._

When they pulled away, he was still grinning widely. Clarke still felt the flush on her cheeks, excitement bubbling through her. She did, however, feel a little self-conscious, which she knew was silly. Where did this leave them? What was going to happen now? She wanted to savour the moment, but her insecurities were nagging at her. In search of a distraction, her eyes shifted to the window behind him, the snow was still partially covering it, but a little had already melted – that was a good sign, the temperature was rising and she could see by the sway of the trees that the wind was blowing from the south, making another blizzard unlikely. Perhaps they could leave soon. Not that she wanted, not anymore. But they had to, as soon as he felt better, before Octavia or her mom sent a search-and-rescue team after them.

She raised a hand to his forehead, checking his temperature. “You still have some fever, you need to drink more of that infusion.”  
Bellamy rolled his eyes, “well at least it’s tasty, just don’t tell me I have to eat that damn stew again.”  
She knew he was joking and gave him a pout before wrapping a blanket around her and going toward the stove to restart the fire and boil some water.  
“If you’re going to complain about it, next time I’ll send _you_ to craft a bow from scratch and hunt a hare. Or perhaps you would prefer foraging mushrooms?” she rose an eyebrow at him.  
He laughed heartily. “Oh no, no mushroom hunting for me, I would probably poison both of us.” Then his eyes fell on the bow resting by the door. “Wait… did you really make a bow and hunt down a _hare_?”  
She scoffed, “yes? What did you think you were eating?”  
Bellamy shook his head. “I don’t think I was very much aware of what I was eating, to be honest.” He stood up and went to sit by the table. “Did you really hunt a hare?”  
She gave him his tea and brewed some coffee for herself, taking a seat next to him. “I told you, yes”, she answered with an amusement on her lips.  
He kissed her cheek, “I’ve got the most badass girlfriend in the world.”

_Girlfriend. So I guess this is happening?_

She smiled, looking down to her cup. He grinned back at her, “Yes, it’s happening.”  
 _Shit, I said it out loud._ “I just never thought it would.” She glanced up at him through her lashes. This uncharacteristic shyness on her part was unexpected, but she relished in it nonetheless. She had spent years pretending not to notice the way she felt about him, wanting him close but at arms’ length at the same time, a constant pull and push. Letting herself _feel_ the way she wanted, without fear and boundaries, was liberating.  
“I dreamt of you, you know? I was only partially aware of what was going on, but I remember you taking care of me, the floorboards creaking under your steps as you were moving around, your hands caressing my hair, and the feel of your skin against mine under the blankets.” He put down his empty teacup and took her hand in his. “At first I thought that was also a dream. Maybe that’s because those fever-dreams felt real, too. Rationally, I know I should have been scared of dying, both while we were in the middle of that blizzard and when my fever was so high, but I didn’t. Because you were with me Clarke.” He took her hand to his mouth, giving it a gentle kiss. Then, his serious expression turned into another grin. “I’m sorry, this has gotten a little bit sappy.”

She shook her head, blinking away the tears. She wondered idly how many times he’d made her cry in the past couple of days, then realised she didn’t care anymore. At least, these were happy tears. “It’s a bit sappy, yes, but I don’t mind”, she smiled back. “I was terrified, though.”  
“I know, I’m sorry, for worrying you and for dumping on you the responsibility of taking care of both of us. I want to say that I shouldn’t have brought you here, that we should have gone straight home rather than putting ourselves in danger, but I don’t want you to think I’m taking back what I said.”  
Clarke gave him a smirk, a playful twinkle in her eyes. She stood up, her hand still interlocked with his. “Then prove it.”

He was on her in an instant, pushing her on the bed and climbing on top of her, the blankets that covered them falling onto the floor. Their kisses were feverish, impatient, hands uninhibitedly exploring each other’s body for the first time. Suddenly, his face was on her neck, coarse stubble tickling her skin as he planted wet kisses higher and higher until he reached her earlobe. “’s this proof enough, Princess?”  
The soft breathing of his words sent shivers running across her body. “No.” She wanted it to come out in a playful tone, but it ended up sounding more like a mewl. She should have been embarrassed at how quickly her body was giving her away, throwing any resemblance of dignity out of the window, and yet she couldn’t find it in herself to care.  
“I guess I have to find a different way to prove it, then.”

He unclasped her bra and threw it somewhere, she was too distracted to notice, because suddenly his mouth was on one of her nipples, switching between soft bites and firm swirls of his tongue, while her other breast was massaged by his hand. The moans coming out from her mouth were foreign even to her own ears. His other hand was travelling down, past her navel and onto the edge of panties. He looked up then, his eyes seeking permission. She nodded silently, not able to trust herself to speak. He slid down her underwear, and as his fingers reached her core she felt her hips buckle up in pleasure and he smiled against her skin.

“ _Please,_ Bell…” she moaned, “I want you.” It was out of her lips before she could stop herself. She thought it was quite pathetic and maybe a little banal, but he didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, his mouth went back to hers in an instant, his kisses impatient and fervent. He made quick work of his boxers and she felt his erection pressing hard against her centre. She pushed him up and forced him to lie on his back, climbing on top of him. If Clarke could have read his mind, she would have known he was thinking that she was a vision, the dim light coming from the window by her side softening her features, her hair looking like threads of gold. But she didn’t need to read to his mind to catch the wonderstruck look on his face. 

She lowered herself onto him, eyes locked, savouring the moment. As she started moving on top of him, she couldn’t help but think that no one else had ever made her feel quite so complete, no one’s moans had ever made her throb quite the same way. She leaned into him, kissing him fiercely, building up a steady rhythm, and they lost themselves in that ecstasy. When she saw him come, his nails digging into her back, she felt on top of the precipice herself. She kept on riding him, his eyeballs rolling backwards as he moaned her name, and when he started brushing her clit with his thumb, she felt herself fall, calling out his name.

After, there was just peaceful silence. Her head was resting on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.  
Bellamy was the first to speak, as he idly caressed her hair. “I’ve dreamed of this for so long. I have to admit, I set my expectations up quite high, but you highly exceeded them all, princess.”  
She chuckled. “Oh, trust me, I feel the same way.” She turned to face him, sharing a wide, content smile with him. She knew he still hadn’t fully recovered and that there were people that cared about them expecting them back, probably worried sick by now, and the thought of facing them and explaining how reckless they’d been kind of scared her. But in that moment, it didn’t matter. She would deal with them tomorrow. Today, her world was limited to the walls of this cabin, where the man she loved was looking at her with what could only be described as adoration.

They were going to face it all together. Somehow, that made things less scary, knowing he was by her side. They would be just fine. But that was tomorrow. For today, she only had one thing in her to-do list: staying exactly where she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed reading this short fic, because I certainly loved writing it!! <3
> 
> If you did, comments and kudos mean the world to me. Like, literally, I squeak of joy everytime I get an email that I've received a comment!
> 
> I also wanted to take this chance to remind you all that there is a survey being done by The 100 fic for BLM, you can find it on the tumblr (@the100-fics-for-blm) and twitter (@t100fic_for_blm) accounts. It would mean a lot if you could take it!
> 
> Thank you again for having been on this journey with me.  
> Sending much love to you all!


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